… No. No. No… Yes. No…. Maybe. No! Definitely No! … Ehhh…
Wow! What a day?! I woke up and needed a moment. I sat on the side of my bed and engaged in deep prayer. Something has been off for a few days and I had to turn to the Greater Power for guidance. It helps. The drive to work was pleasant; though I was running late, I was able to enjoy the beautiful autumn scenery. The rest of the morning was peaceful as well, but sometime around noon, it hit me. During lunch, I read some on line article. It was a sad story. I felt the grief, the pain and the heartache the author shared. I began thinking about my life and all that has changed and all that has not. All the things I wish to be different, but still aren’t. All that I’ve been working on and all that seems to be useless… The drive home was even worst. The tears couldn’t dry quick enough, and the chest felt as tight as if I was having a heart attack. But since, I never had one, I wouldn’t be able to tell the different between a heart attack or heart break. So, again I began an honest conversation with God. Asking for the things that one needs in such weakness. This time, it wasn’t helping. All I was getting were signs I didn’t want to see. “No! No! No! Really? No! I must not be getting the right reception. I refused the messages. I didn’t want to hear it because of course there must be a different way…
Home was good. Being home is always a good feeling. My hideaway. I can close the doors and be me. My space, my energy. No one to judge. Here it is safe… As I made my way through the daily responsibilities before my daughter arrived, my mind settled, and I was ready to greet her with less stress… But this day wasn’t over. I thought sweating it out at the gym would be a good idea; that also usually helps. Not this time. The instructor’s music selection was.. let’s just say, not the “helpful” kind. At this point, I surrendered. Fine! So, what do You want me to do? What do You, God, want me to do?!!!… Yeah… Here is the answer… Hello!… Somehow, the blockage, the fireball of emotions dissolved and a lighter feeling trickled down from top to bottom. Maybe that’s all that was needed. Remove control and surrender. Hopefully I was connected to the right frequency waves...
And last, but certainly not least, is the way the day came to an end. Like every evening, I tuck my daughter to sleep. We lay there for a bit. She gives the biggest, warmest hugs, and tonight for no particular reason, she planted, what must have been, one hundred kisses from head to toe. Yeah, this kid is amazing. And what’s really crazy is that I use to kiss and hug my mother in the same way. Maybe there is no reason other than the strong bond we share… or maybe it’s because she knows, like I knew, it will help. And it definitely did! My connector and reminder of the heart’s home.