Recently, I became more acquainted with this eighteen years old high school girl. Her life story, like everyone else’s, is unique. She enjoys writing about it, and mostly expresses her thoughts through short poems and journal entries. She shared them with me…
“To love is to overcome the life of pain and sorrow. Overcome hurtful comments and enemy’s bad looks. Identify yourself with the song of love. Together we can make the world better. Our attitude leads the way to happiness. Life brings valuable lessons to learn. But everyone has to love. Love is to live. “
She called her journal “Life’s Little Happiness,” and began each entry with “Dear Happy.” Not all stories were joyful, but they always ended with some positive thought. Here is another one from this young soul.
“… I have lost a lot of things. I have lost my best friend, respect, reputation because of his and other’s loud mouths. However, I have gained knowledge. I have gained a better understanding of me. I have gained a new life. The changes will keep on happening ,and I am proud of them. I am proud of who I am, and who I want to become because I follow my heart, and I will be true to myself. No matter what other’s image of me is, or what they say or think, because no one knows me like I do. No one can feel what I feel, think the way I do and understand my life the way I do. I am different, I am special, thoughtful, intelligent, gentle and emotional… I am Myself and I like it…. I will become everything they think I can not. I will show them that I am strong enough to handle larger issues then their little affairs. They can’t destroy my heart. Live for yourself.”
A young girl with life’s own experiences. She has the right attitude. She wants to prove herself to be strong, independent and unique. A real go-getter. I know she will make it in life. She will make it big. Fighting for a place in this world. Always searching for answers. Always hoping for the best… The more I read this eighteen year old’s journal, the more it reminded me of myself… Every word, experience, emotion and thought echoed mine own… But wait. Could it be? Yes, of course. The girl is ME.
…
I like “lazy” days. They give me time to catch up on everything and nothing in particular. Sunday is perfect day for such practice. It’s slower and more peaceful, then the other days of the week. With that thought, this afternoon I was looking for a photo of my mother in old family albums, but that’s not all I found. On the same shelf, there are journals, notebooks, and other memorabilia from my past. Some things brought out sadness. Like the “Sliwowski’s First Baby” journal where I wrote short notes to my unborn child, and pasted photos of the ultrasound. At twenty weeks the baby girl’s heartbeat stopped without an explanation. I was broken. Why? For days I sobbed and couldn’t function at all. We were both overwhelmed with grief.
But we were lucky. Our daughter is a blessing. I made a journal for her as well. It’s filled with milestones, notes and pictures. Information no one really remembers except a mother. It will be hers to keep, and go back to if she wants to. I don’t know a lot about my childhood, I don’t even have one baby picture. Thus, the reason I keep such record. When I’m gone, I take history with me. A father remembers only the “big stuff.” The birth date, some events like learning to ride a bike, and maybe the fun vacations. What about the little things? Like the time when she lost her first tooth. Or the time when she wrote her name for the first time. Yes, a mother remembers.
I was sitting on the floor for hours reading through my old diaries. How entertaining, and insightful? Life. Same emotions with different circumstances. We change, of course, but really who we are at our core, never does. I wrote about love for life, reaching goals, strong independent womanhood, uniqueness, creativity, romance… all of it. I wrote about it then, just like I write about it now, the only difference is my use of vocabulary. I might be using more sophisticated language, and maybe more insightful stories; but honestly, who we are, it’s who we were, and who we will be. Our soul does not change. Our behaviors and thoughts might change, but the heart never does.
When I was a high school teen, I began a “Gratitude” journal. Everyday for about six months I wrote a list of ten things I was grateful for that day. Every entry began with “Dear Happy.” I don’t know why “Happy,” but I like it. Later, I continued writing about major life’s events. My favorite entries are about my husband. It’s wonderful to be reminded of what young love felt like…
I’ll continue writing. In ten years from now, I will read through these letters, and surely I will laugh at myself, feel proud, sad and maybe even inspired. The person that’s living and sharing today, will be the same person living and sharing tomorrow, and the next day and the day after that. I’ll be a bit older, hopefully wiser, and more experienced, but the depth of where that comes from will always stay in the original state of creation and birth. No time or age defines a human’s soul. We were, and always will be as we are right NOW.