I have. Many. Many. Many dreams. Different dreams. Various colors, shapes and sizes. Dreams… beautiful, wonderful dreams… mostly tamed and reachable… However, there is that one; that One dream that is as wild as a California fire. It’s been heating in its ash slowly… Seems like forever. I’ve been afraid to say it at loud. The grandeur of it frightens me. It’s true! I’m afraid it’s too Big. Too ambitious to grasp… I spoke of it only in my head. Quietly. Quietly. Whispering the seeded desire.
Until about a week ago…
I stood at the window above the kitchen sink… I’ll tell you, that window; there is something about that space. And I think it was Sunday. Yes! It was a Sunday morning… As I stood there, glancing into the trees, thinking. Drifting. Far. The dream came forth, and I finally said it. In a loud confident voice, I declared, “I want to be a writer!” “I want to be a writer!” My husband who was sitting close by eating breakfast, offered a simple answer without a dash of hesitation, “You can do it. I believe in you.” His words soften my anxiety, for he said it as if he already knew of it all along… I continued to stare and think about this wild dream. How would I go about it? How would I begin? What would I have to do? And then I realized something kind of funny, indeed… That I already AM. I already Am a writer… I write everyday. I think of writing every free moment I have. I love words, and their meaning. I love word play, and how they feel… I Am A Writer! I might never be published, or famous, or any good at it at all… But I still Am a writer. That’s a pretty fantastic feeling. To be able to say it at loud. To be able to introduce yourself when someone asks, “So, what do you do for a living, Ewa?”… “Well, amongst my paying job of teaching, and the creative work of painting, I also am a Writer. The most fulfilling work I do. The most important one… The one that keeps me living… Thank you for asking. What about you?” …Yup. I’m a writer.
Yours Truly,
– With Loud Confidence.