Since opening this site in May of 2013, I wrote and shared hundred of beams reflecting my soul. This April is the first month I wrote nothing. I shared nothing. I had nothing to say… to no one… not even myself.
Life is kind of a ridiculously hard and emotional ocean for me. It can be smooth and joyous at times. Peace spreads and settles. Blood flows gently through my body; I have no recollection of hardships or pain. All is fantastic, and I carry the light that guides me so effortlessly. But these moments fade without a warning. And I’m perturbed, no safe place to rest. Feeling alone, and lost in this world; in this given life. And that’s when I don’t want it. I don’t want to be here anymore…
But.
Something moves inside….and I AM….I return and feel the light, once more…
My children. It is so wonderful to say that- My children! My inner-blooms. Yes. I have not one child, but two children. My first born is growing up to be more then I could ever want or expect or imagine… I’m in awe of her each day. She brings so much joy and love into my existence. Her wonder of the world, her insight on life, her simple pleasures and her playful wit. As I look at her today and can’t help but think, “Wow! I did good. I did something right. My reward. My reason to stay.”… And to my unborn boy. Oh, I’m beyond grateful for this new experience. It’s so different this time; being pregnant. I am the luckiest because he chose me to be his mother. I carry this creation. My body is creating a Being of his own beauty and wonder. It isn’t going to be easy, I know, and like all mothers know. It’s going to be damn hard to raise, and sacrifice and give so much of yourself, that at times you forget who you really are… But, to have that chance, to have a son; to birth a son is my heart’s desire. It’s a treasure. And for the first time, I will have two reasons to stay…
Yours Truly,
– Me.