Some negative energy and thoughts have been following me closely for past few weeks. It’s the little things that I can’t seem to shake off. I suppose it all adds up into a ball of something that’s bigger and nearly impossible to roll through the body… Complex relationships, old triggers, new identities… I do what I know helps. Prayer. Positive shift of thought. Deep breathing… It’s slowly medicating the aches and pains of life. But some things are not that simple. Dad hasn’t been well. I’m worried. His condition is deteriorating, and I know that it won’t be getting better… I know the other inevitable will happen. How soon? I don’t know. What I do know is that I will have to face it and I will have to deal with it. And it feels like I will be doing it alone. The thought of that in itself, saddens me deeply. In theory, of course there are close friends that will reach out and support me, but in reality, there is no one that can change what is, and I will be forced to repair and glue myself back into a functional human being… Again… I will have no choice. Grief likes to hang tight to my lungs.. When one finally loosens its grip, another is waiting just around the corner. At least now, I won’t turn my back on her. Pushing it away, only made her more relentless. This time, I’ll embrace her with warmth and love. I’ll give her everything she wants. All my attention and time. All that she needs to heal and let go… because it will be ok. She will be ok. And I will be ok, too.
Yours Truly,
I hope I’m as strong as my words.