Today I took it upon myself to flow with it. My thoughts and heart has been surfing the waves for a week or so. And while being a student of the Tantra, I pushed forward with one of its principles- everything is an experiment to which we collect data:
Being in contact with the one who caused me most pain, but has filled me with most love just as well, is tricky. My mind retells one side, but my heart feels another… I’ve been carefully listening to both, but knowing the heart is always the better ally. Curiosity drove my courage. Alas! My softness has returned. So easy. So open. And I liked it. I really do still like it… After my rebirth, my emotions became a steady rhythms. Not a bad thing after years of irregular seasons. But they are also unrecognizably mellow. Who is this person? Why is she so boring? I feel like I’ve lost my spark, my motivation, my spunk…. I do trust; this is the journey to true self… And it can take months to brake through the cocoon. It’s uncomfortable. It’s tight and it’s new… I build walls to block my friends. I isolated myself from a lot of people and places. An introvert… New territory for me. A couple of things remained unchanged, one of which is him… I trust that internal voice. So, I proceeded to take data. And just like that. My blank canvas, my empty space began to slowly fill up… There are certain things that absolutely without a doubt will be part of me permanently…
The “Feel Good” List
My children – Goes without saying.
Writing – My expression. My creativity.
Music – To transcend. To travel far and beyond.
My L – For all the moments my heart smiled.
Dancing- Because it’s fun. Sensuous.
Driving- just driving nowhere.
Being alone- time with my heart.
Exercising – A good, healthy release.
Red rich wine – Unwind on a late evening.
Dark chocolate – To go with that wine!
Clean house – Yeah, I can now admit, I’m a perfectionist!!! But my relationship with that part of me has changed. A clean and light space brings calmness.
Meditation and essential oils – Connecting and grounding remedy.
Husband – When he’s open, engaging and present.
The “Experiment” List
Tantra
In full Privacy
Break from the show… Turned off watching everyone’s performances.