“When people show you who they are believe them the first time.”- Maya Angelou
Maya Angelou is one of my favorite writers and poets. This quote is her most memorable saying, but I never really thought about its meaning until today.
Not only should we believe when people show us who they are, but also what they say. It’s true that we can be fogged by own personal projections of how we see others. Mostly, we follow the mind or the heart, based on previous experiences. We draw out the bad, and see only the good; or we forget about the good and only see the bad. People do this naturally because we see others as we see ourselves, or like to see ourselves. It’s as if looking in a mirror; we always focus on the same areas of the body. The wrinkle, the fat calf, the skinny arm- whatever it might be, your eye always goes to the place of most insecurity. The thing we can never change. So, when we look at others, we see only the things we want to see. We are completely fooled by our own belief system.
When people show us who they are, it’s because that’s who they are. Let’s not try to justify or reason with their behavior. It is their true self. Similarly to what others say about themselves. They tell the truth because the only person that knows self best, is that person.
I was recently asked who am I? How do I see myself? At first, I wasn’t sure how to answer this question, though I asked myself of it, a million times before. However, I was never given the opportunity to tell someone at loud because I was never really asked. So, how do I truly see myself? I could have answered that question with: I’m a mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend, teacher, etc… but that’s not what came to my mind. Somehow I knew that I wasn’t being asked about the external labels of the physical world, but rather about the other side. So, I closed my eyes, and easily listed at least ten words, which describe who I AM- My soul. My being.
People usually focus on labels. Undeniably, labels are important parts of our human experience on this earth; however, what happens if they are taken away. If I no longer could be called a mother, or a wife or a daughter. If I was stripped of it all. Who am I then? Can I stand alone and be sure of my existence? Of my importance? Of my true self? Can I continue this life as simply Me?
The answer is- Absolutely. We must try to separate the conditioned us, and the real us. I am no one’s depended, and no one is depended on me. We are completely independent beings, who by nature connect and create relationships with other independent beings forming unions. Marriage unions, family unions, friendship and so on. It is done by choice. If one falls into the role of dependency, superior or inferior rule, that is also by their own choice, or incapabilities triggered by some past experiences.
I recognize my own trap. The childhood memory that I would like to completely forget about, still reminds me of not being able to stand my ground and just say “NO!” Instead, I justified my abuser’s behavior, and I felt bad for him. I didn’t want to hurt his “feeling.” He “needed” me. Today, as an adult, I still do some form of this behavior. I know those that hurt me, but I keep justifying their actions, and allowing them to somehow creep back into my life. Why? Because I feel bad. Because they need me… I get it. I don’t blame the eight year old little girl, she’s innocent. 100% none of it is her fault. But, I do blame this grown woman who is still allowing to be used and taken advantage of just because she cares too much. She needs to learn to finally say, “No.”
Thus, the question lingers.. Who are you? Can you see your own true being? Can you live by that definition? Can you follow that voice from within? Is it a voice you want to follow? Is it worth the trouble? Will it make you a better, more honest person? Can you live your life knowing ,and carrying that truth upon you shoulder for everyone to see?
I now believe. I believe that people do show us and tell us who they are every single day with every choice, action and reaction. It’s done through behavior and spoken word. They reveal pieces of their true self. It is that simple…. And I do believe them.