Am I a walking contradiction? I finish writing an entry; I’m lighter and satisfied, like I’ve set the thought free, like it’s my last one for a long time. I don’t have anything more to say and all subjects are covered. So, why do they keep coming? I don’t ask for it, yet they still do. The mute button is not working correctly. When they start, they can’t stop. The monolog in my head creeps up at different moments. I could be driving, cooking, or like today, this particular entry came when I was ironing. It’s the monotony of the actual action that makes the mind wander, and if I could record my thoughts, I’m sure there would be a volume of books stocked to the ceiling. Today’s encyclopedia was about my weirdness and the pull towards strange or rare findings. Like an alien from a different planet that landed on this earth, became a human, and knows what’s expected as a human, yet can’t really explain the phenomenon of her life. I’m attracted to different and unusual, yet I need order and stability. I was told, not once but on few occasions, that I must be bored because busy people do not have time to do what I do… My answer is always the same; do they mean to tell me that all artists, authors, musicians, athletes, etc. are bored and that’s why they do what they enjoy? I’m not implying or comparing myself to those professionals, for their talents are not average. However, it’s ridiculous to think that if you have an interest, or maybe even a small ability, that it’s due to boredom. I certainly would not want to go back to the sleep walking phase I was in few years ago. I don’t want to just do what is expected, the norm… I want to do things differently. I want to live a life that is authentic and not just a copy of someone else’s ideas. And yet I follow guide lines of the safety net regulated by everything and everyone. Contradiction. The world is a contradiction of its own making.