I’ve been waiting for the right time to write about my spiritual experiences from this past year. I couldn’t find the right words to summarize it all. So, I asked the two fearless warrior- patience and time, for their strength.
Few weeks ago-
Past few days were difficult. Feeling disconnected and somewhat aggravated. Life? My place? Same questions. Same answers. The feeling is overwhelming…. It hasn’t been here in a long time. And I don’t know what is triggering the massive flow. But it seems it’s coming from some place I know well, or perhaps knew well. I don’t know much at this moment. Though I’ve learned a lot…
April 2016-
The drive to the Catskills was nerve-racking. I didn’t know what to expect. I was going to a retreat in hopes of receiving answers. I knew they were hidden inside of me, and I knew that this process is worth the try. On my way there, I was on the phone with a former close friend. It made time go by faster. It also made me less anxious. I thought about his role in my journey, and also how time for us is running out, though I didn’t want that, then.
When I pulled up to the big white house, I sat in the car for a while. I questioned my attendance at such location, and my purpose. Do I really want to go through with this? I heard it’s an intensive and deep process. I was scared. In doubt, I texted my friend for some encouraging words. He sent a short response, and then I was ready. “Let’s do this,” I thought.
I can not disclosed all that happened at the Shalom Retreat. It is not something for the written or spoken word. However, what I can and will say is, that the work done during those four day is extremely well executed in the hands of experienced professions. What surfaces from your inner depths is unpredictable, unrehearsed and unconventional. What comes after and fills back in, is profound healing and mending of the brokenness. There were 22 individual going through the process called a “mat trip.” And every individual whom I witnessed had a very different journey, though the outcome was all the same. Truly a miracle.
July 2016
I decided to go back for another retreat, for the event of late May/ early June, were more then I could handle. However, the drive was not the same. A friend, whom I met at the first retreat, and I, were suppose to drive together. He backed out last minute, and I was left quiet disappointed. The three hour drive felt more like ten. A bit of angry was stuck in my body, and now I too, didn’t want to go. But a commitment is a commitment. I told my ego, to be quiet.
The second time was an overwhelmingly different experience. It was difficult to connect with the others. I couldn’t land with ease into the community. Only after my “mat trip” was I able to fully join in. And I found myself in the role of helping others during their own journey. My active participation, made me feel honored to be of service to my new friends… On the last day, I was anxious to go home. I wanted to be with my husband and daughter. I wanted to have them close to me. Show them my love. My gratitude. I felt lucky to have them in my life.
October 2016
Another spiritual experience of similar dimension took
place just a few weeks ago. Though not as lengthy; it too, opened and introduced me to my deeper truths. Shamanic healing is an ancient practice, and I was willing to try the “Soul Retrieval” session for the lost soul. I’m glad I did… Not only my mom’s strong energy filled the air, but my grandmother and grandfather were there as well. I fully received their message. And I know they are present, helping me navigating through life in a positive and happy way.
The truth is. My truth… Like I’ve written so many times before is, that my need for creativity and growth will never end. My emotions will always emerge… The need to feel… And I will always search… But there is another truth. Something that I am openly and willingly pushing myself to do- The need to rest. Take a break. Relax. I’ve been working too hard. It’s ok. It’s ok. This is enough. I’m enough. No rush. Don’t have to do it all. The Now is simply enough.
I trust the process.