I’ve been thinking too much… Definitely too much… I don’t know everything, and I’m comfortable to say so, because really, how can anyone know everything?? Ha! Funny that some actually think they do. They are certain of the “facts.” But that kind of confidence only proves they’ve been living behind a veil of distorted reality. It is easier to pretend. It hurts less, I guess.
…Intense flashbacks hunt me. Strong vivid pictures. I don’t understand it. Dreams, too, are long and bright. I can’t make much sense out of them; though they do reflect my quiet struggle inside. Emotions have been at bay. Strangely, they have not been interfering with the process that’s unfolding. It’s real. I’m thinking, and thinking so much… Everything. Every little thing floods the guarded gates… I tell myself to quiet down. I tell myself to be calm and collected. I tell myself not to be so angry. Why are you so angry? I ask. And I listen… Who will answer? To my surprise, it’s BB. And she says- I was used.