More Than…

This morning I checked my emails, and found more than just a message. It was a letter from a former student. I get emails once in a while from past students, but this one shows the most important reason why I am in my profession. It’s more than just a job… Leaving will be difficult.

Hi Mrs. Sliwowski,

It has been little bit since I graduated from ESL.  And over the months, I found little things I want to share with you. I know I can just go to your class and say it, but I don’t want to disturb the class and it’s a topic that will make awkwardness in room.

So, first. Thank you for everything. I’m so glad that I had you as my ESL teacher. I cannot thank you enough. Because if you did not talk to me, I would probably end up alone for whole high school life and I’ll be dead inside. One of my friend yesterday said she wants to know the answers for world and life, but no one talks about it. ( like we use to)… I thought, that’s true. Everyone wants to know the answer to the universe and life. But we can’t talk. (I don’t know why.) So she is (was) stuck in the situation where she can’t find answer and struggles. And I think most of the teenagers are like so. Most of them will ignore it, then make mistake in their life or stuck in this struggle for long time. But you were willing to talk to me. During freshman year, when I had no people to talk to, you listened me, and discussed it. I’m so glad that I had that kind of opportunity. Not many people can meet adults who are willing to listen to teen’s struggle. So thank you.

The other thing I noticed in this quarter. New ESL kids in high school, they are little bit dangerous. Not trouble-making dangerous, but socially isolated dangerous. Now, I have friends who listen to me, and people start to recognize my ability. But I noticed during middle- high school kids, who either moved, or come to new school as not knowing anything about the culture, or parents are in unstable condition, they are more easily to become unstable in mental way. I’ve met so many people that are in one or more then that condition, and who are mentally ill or have been ill. I was one of it too. I found the essay from freshman year, about stress. And it says how depressing it is not to be understand by anyone. And now I have Vy in my English class, and I see how she is treated in the class. I see my past self in her. Students in the class underestimate us. They are not doing intentionally, but that’s human nature, to look down people who can not express themselves properly. I don’t know how Vy feel about this but I was like her too. And I always felt I was not good enough. In my stress essay, I wrote that “I’ll never be as good student as when I was in Japan. I’ll never have friends that I had before.” That’s how I felt. Now, I feel little bit differently, but the scar I got back them will last long in my life. I think Christina was too. Her family were unstable. So she had something to talk to you too. There are more example I’ve seen (I don’t want to say their name, so I’m not going to say). I know how you helped them. But I’m not only worried about Vy. People in ESL new this year, they might feel same way. Scared of outside, loneliness, fear of been judged. I cannot promise that they feel in the same way I felt. But there are more chance for them to get stress and can’t talk to anybody. When I walk hallway in the morning, I see them but they are all looking down to their phone, and I remember those painful time. I don’t know what should I do with this conclusion, but I wanted to tell you. Because I know you will listen to me.

Anyway. I learn a lot everyday. I came here, then I become more observing person. But I know, if you weren’t there for me back them, I know I would fall off the path of my life. So thank you for everything again.

P.S. Sorry for super long letter.
P.S. 2. I want to hear what do you think too. If you can, e-mail me back.

Thank you.
Your student, Angela