Whatever I say, it won’t be heard. My voice is silenced… My feelings are irrelevant…It’s been happening for months… the process. The shift. Friends behaving differently to get closer to others. The performances. Manipulations… Invitations and lack of… It’s pushing, pushing, pushing me further away. The shift from the group is too strong and apparent. And I don’t want to be part of it. I am already not part of it…
Friendships were one of the most important connections in my life. It was my friends who kept my spirits up in the mist of darkness. They are good people. I am grateful for them. I love them dearly. But friendship is the heartbeat of trust, and when trust is broken, so is the connection. And I suppose, the closer you are, the deeper the wound.
How could this happen? How could it all end this way? A tall thick wall stands around me, and don’t want to talk to anyone. It will make absolutely no difference. I can see through all of the stories. And I’m out… Today, I walked away from my closest people. Shut all the doors. Cell off. Deactivated all social media accounts… As I grieve the past, I want to disappear. I already did.