Surrendering. Surrendering. Surrendering. To my deepest truth. To my heart. To my most authentic self. Ready and with open heart to receive the gifts of the Divine. In grace I await the new season of wisdom to pour into my light.
Ready for healing. Ready for love. Ready for the All Encompassing to bestow teachings of what I need to know.
A few weeks ago, I struggled big. I struggled to simply breath. To be here. I found myself in a dark box like never before. I planned, purposefully intended to pack and leave. Or just leave… Something snapped inside of me, and I didn’t want any of it anymore. This life felt like not mine, and I didn’t belong in it… I fully and without a doubt wanted to end the burn of all my failures… But as the next day came, I was still here. I was still in the same predicament, same reality. Why? Why am I still here?
In silence, in the shadows of my ugliness, I stared outside the bedroom window. For hours, loathing and hopeless. Waiting for nothing, yet for everything.. In that silence a voice spoke so softly, one could miss it if not listening…
“So, you’re still here.”
“Yup.”
“Why do you think that is? Why are you still here?”
“I don’t know…”
“Would you like to find out?”
“Yeah!! Yeah I would!”
“So you will.”
… And that’s how by the saving grace my journey continues. This is why I haven’t given up completely. Faith is rooted far into the earth of me. Somehow, I understand this. Somehow, something sparked a shift to keep going… And finally, after months of anticipation and preparation, on tomorrow’s Lunar New Year, Ewa will find out, why Ewa is still here.