I never declared that I’m perfect, nor my life or my marriage, nor my daughter or family. I never tried to appear or be anything near perfect because such world does not exist. I simply try my best. If my best appears as perfection to someone, then that’s their own perception and not my intention… Such immature opinion sends shivers and slight anger through my bones. For it is based on nothing but the view of personal life. That’s not something I control or have influence over. It also isn’t something I should explain or apologize for… And the most irresponsible speech is the one that is still spoken… Yes, some years ago I shared a personal struggle. It was mine. I shared it with someone I trusted. Now, I hear it again, like a playback… Will my words of the past judge my present? Why is this still spoken of? Especially from the one whom I trusted so… Why is it that I do not disclose any new information that is not asked for? And even if it was, the private conversation always stayed private… Yes, I said something once that should have never been said. That was my only time… And it’s deep in me, for the rest of my days… my regret and my sadness for it. It happened in a whirlwind; I had no control. The difference here is that, stories are shared by free will. Why? Why try to explain a situation that has a dozen different versions? Is there really anyone to blame? or be marked as the innocent bystander?… Does it make it better? The pain? The betrayal? Will it make it easier to forget? To let go? … If so, go ahead… Only if it eases the process… What are good friends for, Right?
Yours Truly,
-In need of closure.
And… I smile in pictures because I’m happy at the moment. I forgive and I move on. I do not hold grudges. I know what I know, and I understand the limits of some relationships which I sustain, not out of personal choice, but out of obligation. And that too, I will not apologize for.